When I feel alone…

Today, I feel very alone. Not lonely. But alone – that feeling that you are all on your own with no one to share the load with, no partner to support you, encourage you, simply ask if you’re ok or need anything. There are days like today, when something happens that puts this feeling of being alone in the forefront of my mind. Today, my youngest was diagnosed with the flu and needs to be kept at home where he can rest, recuperate and not spread his germs to anyone else – but my oldest has an orthodontist appointment tomorrow (which I rescheduled), basketball practice tonight which he missed because I can’t stay home and take care of little brother and go to practice too, etc, etc. Yet, in these moments where I am reminded how I feel so alone in life when it comes to not having a partner to lean on and share the load with, I am quietly and awesomely reminded that I am not alone. God is always with me, always. Today, he was with me in the friends that reached out to ask if they could bring me groceries or anything else we needed, and in the prayers being said for my little guy to have a speedy recovery.

It is really easy, and happens more often than I care to admit, that I let worry and fear overtake me and make me start to stress over what the future holds. Daily, I wonder if I will be able to do this on my own? Will I be able to find a job that will afford me the ability to care for myself and my children after giving up my career to be a stay at home mom for the last several years. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I need to pray more and surrender it all, including my life, to Him that holds the future. I need to remind myself that God has this and He has me – the ultimate battle has already been won so I should really stop stressing over my worries and enjoy all the blessings that I have. When I feel alone, I must remember that God is always with me, always.


Who’s Watching?

If you’re like me, you probably go through life with your head down, taking each day as it comes, doing your daily routine consisting of obligatory tasks with hopefully a few minutes of joy along the way. You probably never even think about whom, if anyone, is watching you – watching how you interact with others, how you carry yourself, how you prioritize the people and things in your life. I know I never really thought about anyone really paying attention to me or how the way I live my daily, sometimes mundane life, may affect or impact others. Well, that was until several weeks ago, when a fellow church member and friend, approached me and pulled me to the side to tell me something.

I have to say, when first approached, I instantly asked myself, “Oh no, did I do something wrong?” – because I naturally assume the worst (not a great trait, I’m trying to change that) and always seem amazed when someone compliments me (another bad trait – I need to learn to accept compliments for what they are and start believing them, but that’s a whole other story).   Anyways, this fellow church member proceeded to tell me that I had been a big inspiration to them in how I have handled the past few years of my life going through infidelity, separation, divorce and single parenting. Me? An inspiration? The past two years, I have most of the time felt like a hot mess, constantly running from point A to point B, trying to keep my head above water. But, I never realized, that to others, it may have shown through as strength, perseverance, faith, and determination. He told me that it was inspiring to him, how I continued to attend church weekly, continued to volunteer my time at the church as much as possible, continued to live my life rather than hide away and sulk about the hand that life had dealt me. He also told me that his wife looked up to me as a role model for being a mom – again, I thought “ME?” Daily I feel like I struggle in the mom department because of all the additional “hats” I have had to wear as a single parent, but I guess I must not be doing such a bad job of loving and supporting my kids if it shows through to others.

The other side of this story, is that, what this friend didn’t know, until I told him in return, is what an absolute inspiration he has been to me. You see, a little over a year ago, he had a major health crisis, one that the doctors never saw him surviving. While he did survive (Praise God!), it was a long road to recovery, one which he still walks. I was inspired by his story, his faith, his wife’s faith and how their faith never wavered or lessened during their darkest hours. Watching them praise God during this dark period, and praying continuously, and even sending me notes saying they were praying for me during their storm, was so inspiring to me and actually made me realize that I had to move forward with life rather than sulk and feel sorry for myself.

Its always important for me to realize, that we all have struggles, everyone is going through something – even though they are varying degrees of significance when you compare your problems with others, we all have struggles that affect each of us differently. It is great when you have friends and family to help you through these struggles, but its also great, that if you keep your chin up, and continue to be the best “YOU” you can be during struggles and lean on your faith in God, you may actually be helping others without even knowing it. How awesome is that! Living a life that reflects God’s love to others, without even really trying to. I feel like the greatest testimony a person can have is the way in which they live life, their daily actions and interactions, rather than spoken words. To me, the old adage is true….”actions do speak louder than words”.

If we love ourselves enough to weather the storms life can engulf us in and continue to love and honor God by helping others during these times, we are doing what God commanded us to do and we are showing love and spreading hope to others, and maybe, giving someone a little inspiration to do the same.

Fear Not?!

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about fear. What it is. Why we fear. What are the repercussions of fear? How do we overcome fear? I think, fear has been prevalent in my mind because the past couple of years, I have been consumed by fear of some type. The fear that my husband would leave…the fear that I am not enough…the fear of an unknown future…the fear of being a single parent…the fear of being alone, and most recently the fear of bad health. The list is ongoing. But then, a lot of the things that I had spent so much time fearing, that I had focused so much time on trying to prevent, in my own worldly ways, happened. They were out of my control. And guess what? It wasn’t the end of me, it did not destroy me – it actually caused me to turn closer to Christ, to His word and to talk to Him in sincere prayer – it was kind of a new beginning.


So what is fear? Webster’s Dictionary defines fear as: “anxious concern” and “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger”. Sometimes fear may not be due to the anticipation of danger, but due to the anticipation of failure. We fear things for many different reasons, some of which are really unnecessary if we have a strong faith. I’ve always heard “faith over fear” or “faith > fear” and I never really understood that until this past year as my faith grew, my fears started to subside. Thinking about the things that I have feared, made me wonder what are the common life fears of most people, so I started doing a little research online and here is what I found:

  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of uncertainty
  • Fear of loneliness
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of loss of freedom
  • Fear of being judged
  • Fear of getting hurt
  • Fear of inadequacy

I think at some point and time in my life, I have probably had a few, if not most, of these fears. And they can be crippling at times. If we let our fears control us, think of all the things that we may miss out on in this life. Fear could cost us love, friendships/relationships, dreams, excitement, contentment, etc.

In my current situation in life, I feel like if I allow fear to overcome me and be the determining factor in my decision making process, I will be in for a very lonely life. If I let the fear of the past year’s rejection by my husband consume me, then I will never be able to have a loving, trusting relationship with another person again – and that is not the future that I want. I choose to rely on God and his timing for the right person at the right time, but I also choose not to let fear win. I have to have faith and be willing to take that leap of faith and place my heart out there, trusting that God will be with me and guide me, I only have to listen and turn away from my own understanding, my own fears and trust in His time and His will.

I read somewhere that the bible tells us to “Fear Not” around 365 times (once for every day of the year) – while I don’t know if this is factual or not, I do know that God tells us not to fear many times in the Bible and if we believe in his word, then why do we not believe in this? Why can we not put aside our fears and trust in Him? I have honestly found that reading the Bible has helped me immensely in my process of grieving and recovery from my failed marriage, and with the many things that I feel like I fail at daily as a human, as a mom, as a friend, etc. Really, God should only have to tell us once that we need not fear because He is with us and we should believe it, we shouldn’t have to hear it multiple times, but he has reiterated it many times throughout scripture as a kind of security blanket for us, because He loves us and He wants us to lead a fearless life.

fear image

Imagine, if David had let fear consume him in his battle with Goliath? Or if Moses had let fear consume him when he delivered the Israelites from Egypt? Or if the disciples had allowed fear of persecution/execution to consume them and prevent them from following Jesus? What if fear stopped Noah from building the Ark? In the same reasoning, what if fear had stopped your father from asking for you mom’s hand in marriage? What if fear had stopped you from saying hi to that person who became your best friend? What if fear caused you to walk away from the person that may have been the love of your life? What if fear caused humanitarians to stop helping those that are homeless or those that are in need of help, support, safety? What if fear kept that fireman from entering a house to save someone? The repercussions of fear are endless – they can be as small as missing a great job opportunity to as large as death or an afterlife in eternal hell if you fear taking that first step to become a Christ follower.

As I see it, the only things that come from fear are indifference, intolerance, hatred, loneliness, unhappiness, “what-ifs”, pain and regrets. I would much rather go through life wishing something would’ve worked out, rather than wishing I would’ve had the courage to try it. I recently found the following quote by George Addair, that I love in regards to fear:

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. The challenge is letting go of it. We fear failure yet in the same sentence we fear success…Fear is a natural part of life.”

Yes, fear is a natural part of life. And it seems we fear both sides of every situation – fear of failure/fear of success; fear of love/fear of loneliness; fear of change/fear of being stuck in a rut.

I feel like I may have rambled on in this posting, but, the main point is that fear is normal, but God has assured us many times that we should not fear when we believe in Him because He is with us. Some of the scriptures regarding fear that I have found comforting are the following; I hope you will as well.

  • “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
  • “For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
  • “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3
  • “The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
  • “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
  • “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Blessings to you all – May the peace of God be with you!


Christmas is a time of hopefulness, especially, for children hoping for goodies under the tree.   For Christians, there is also the hope we have in the gift of salvation given to us by the birth, death and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus.  This is the perfect time of year to share that hope with others because many are hurting for different reasons and need hope, as well as patience and love.

In Luke 2: 21-35, we meet a faithful devout man named Simeon who had a hopeful patience that he would one day see the Messiah before his death based upon what the Holy Spirit had promised him. It was this strong faith and hopeful patience that allowed Simeon to realize whom the baby Jesus was when he was brought to the temple as a baby to be presented.  It is truly amazing, that in a temple on an ordinary day, where many children were probably being presented and other temple activities going on, that Simeon singled out Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus and foretold of the greatness that would be this baby, the Messiah.  Simeon showed only hope and faithfulness, praising God while holding the new baby Jesus, never doubting that this baby was the Messiah, the salvation of Israel and all nations.

I think a lot of times, especially around the holiday season, when patience runs thin, lines run long, traditions take over, some people forget what Christmas truly is about.  It is about HOPE.  Sometimes, we are so blinded by all of the things that this Holiday season has become about that we can’t see the hope as clearly as we should.  The hope of a virgin mother giving birth to the Messiah in a stable.  The hopeful patience of a wise, devout man like Simeon that he would see the Messiah before his death, and the HOPE that those who believe in God’s promises in Christ will be rewarded.    Hope is one of the greatest gifts we can give others – hope that God’s promises are true. This Christmas season, give hope, by showing love, patience, kindness and spreading God’s love to others.

Every New Day is a Gift of Hope

The past five months have been a roller coaster of emotions since my husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore.  In the beginning, there was a lot of sadness, anger, emptiness, loneliness and unanswered questions, along with self-doubt.   I guess that is the typical cycle of emotions when your life is turned upside down by a sudden change like separation, divorce or death.  

I’ve been told many things by many people; many people have shared advice.   A lot of that advice has been useful, such as “he does not define you”, “it’s not anything you did or did not do, it’s something within him that has caused his unhappiness”.   All great words of encouragement to me when I was feeling “less than” after the end of a fifteen year relationship.

The most comforting advice of all that was given to me was a piece of scripture from a wonderful lady at my church who has been through a similar situation.   That scripture is Romans 5:3-5 (NIV), which I would like to share with you now…

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
For me, this verse first reminds me of God’s undying love for me.  Love that was poured over me through the shedding of his blood on the cross and love that is within me through the presence of the Holy Spirit. 

Secondly, I’m reminded that through all of the pain and suffering comes perseverance and character which leads to hope.   And with every new day that I am blessed to wake up, I am hopeful for many things.   Hopeful for a day when all suffering ends and I get to meet my Lord and Savior.   Hopeful for a new start on life…a new career…a new chance to share my testimony and experiences to help someone else traveling this difficult road…hope that my children will not be scarred by divorce but know what love and marriage is supposed to be one day…hope that life goes on and my current circumstances do not define me…and hope that one day, the Lord will send me a wonderful loving partner, if that be His will.  If that is not in His Devine plan, then I also have the hope and peace in knowing that I am loved by the Almighty Creator and there is no love greater than that.   I will persevere…I will not be afraid to love others as I am commanded to do, just because I have been hurt…I will continue to grow as a person, a mom and a Christian…I will have hope that each day brings me a new beginning full of blessings, I just have to take the time to notice them and focus on all of the positive things, rather than dwell on the past.

Blessings to you and thank you for sharing in my journey of healing.

‘Do NOT let your Hearts be Troubled…’

If you’re gong through a rough time like I currently am, and you feel like your stuck “between a rock and a hard place”, please know, that if you have God on your side it is more likely that you are “stuck between a rock and a cross”.  Let me explain.

I feel like we, as human beings, get so caught up and hung up on our worldly pains and issues, that we forget that even during these times of hopelessness that we are not alone.  We do not have to face this world or its trials alone.  As a Christian, I fully believe in God’s word – and reading His word gives me the hope I need when I’m feeling hopeless.  It has been amazing to me in my most recent situation where my husband has left and life has been turned upside down, that I haven’t really felt alone.  It has been surreal how God has used people in my life, past and present, to reach out to me and provide me with comfort even when they have no clue what has recently happened to me.  I got a text from an old church friend that moved across the country last year that simply said I had been on her mind and that she had been praying for me.   I was so overwhelmed and amazed at God’s grace through her simple text that I broke down in tears.  While, the situation I’m going through was not my plan, nor is it what I want, I know that with God by my side and in my heart, no matter what the future holds, I will be okay.  I get this reassurance from the following verse, which helps my heart during troubling times:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God,; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”   John 14: 1-4 NIV

 This passage shows us the compassion that Jesus had for his disciples and how he tried to comfort them during this difficult time in which they were fearful, troubled, worried and scared about what was about to happen to them and to Jesus. Would they be executed for following Jesus? Was Jesus leaving them forever? Were they safe? What was going to happen?

It also shows us the compassion that He has for us. These same verses apply to us today. Just like the disciples, many of us have troubled hearts full of fear, sadness, despair, and worry based on the circumstances that may be going on in our life at the current time. What happens if I lose my job? What if my spouse leaves me? What if my child gets sick? What will people think? What if? Why? When? These questions surround us constantly in a world where we are not in control and don’t have the answers to why certain things happen, good or bad.  And while it completely goes against our human nature to follow this command of “Do not let your hearts be troubled”, we, as believers, have to trust in God’s word and give our troubles, worry, grief, and sadness to Him and believe in his promise that He has prepared a place for us to be with Him forever. We must know that the pains and sorrows of this life are temporary, and that He will be there for us and with us during difficult times, helping us through, even if the outcome or circumstance is not the one for which we hoped.

He doesn’t want us to be troubled in this life, but troubles happen. He has given us all the tools to help us make it through times of trouble, all we have to do is believe in Him, read His word, and talk to Him daily.

May His peace be with you in the days to come.